From Conflict to Connection

Ever wondered why excitement in a relationship is often equated with conflict? We tackle this intriguing question head-on by exploring a heartfelt letter from a woman who finds herself yearning for arguments with her peaceful and quiet husband. Why is it that some people mistake turbulence for thrill, and how can these desires lead to toxicity in a relationship? We'll share insights on recognizing your partner's nature early on and the importance of finding shared activities to add zest to your relationship, sans unnecessary disputes. Plus, we offer advice for men who cherish tranquility, encouraging them to hold onto their peace even if it means reconsidering the dynamics of their current relationships.

Creating a loving and harmonious home environment is crucial, especially for men facing challenges outside. We underscore the significance of nurturing relationships grounded in peace and joy. Acknowledging that disagreements are natural, we emphasize resolving conflicts swiftly to prevent them from festering. Our conversation explores the art of mutual understanding and compromise, aiming to inspire you to cultivate a relationship built on love and tranquility. Tune in for transformative insights and practical advice that could redefine how you approach your relationships.

Chapters

• 0:22 Toxic Relationships
• 8:08 Building Healthy Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:22

What's going on, everybody? This is your boy, j Stone, coming to you live with another edition of In the Lounge of Stone and B. I am so excited that you decided to tune in to me on this day. We got a good one for you today. I was sitting back in the studio and one of my colleagues on my team came to me with this letter that she found on the internet. It's a lady that is talking about how bored she is in her marriage and some things. In a few minutes I'm going to play it for you and I want you to listen closely to what she's saying, and also I want your comments, I want your questions and everything on this topic. Oh, you already know I got some things to say about it and also, if it is a man in this relationship, I really have some things to say to him Quickly, quickly. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Listen, tim, what you think. Here we go, ladies, and gentlemen.

Speaker 1: 1:21

listen, tim, what do you think? My husband is a silent type that don't keep friends. He never stays past 7 pm. He don't visit anyone and no one visits him. We have been married for four years and we never had a reason to quarrel or argue. Most times I bring up baseless arguments so we could just raise our voice, yet he finds a way to avoid it. I know issues makes a marriage stronger, but I have never had any reason to at least act upset and have him beg me. It's seriously eating me up. This man is too peaceful and quiet for my liking and I, on the other hand, I'm stubborn. Please, how do I spice up my marriage and how do I get this man to at least raise his voice at me a little? I want him to at least get angry once. This sounds funny, but it's really bothering me.

Speaker 2: 2:07

I'm bored in this marriage. So, as you heard the end of it, I'm bored in this marriage. And we go up a little bit. She's stubborn. We go up a little bit, she's stubborn, we go up a little bit more. She wants him to yell and raise her voice, his voice, and she comes up with some frivolous argument just for him to raise his voice. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what you call a toxic relationship, and I can't even call it a toxic relationship, but I can call her toxic. Ah, my, my, my. This is why I'm calling her toxic.

Speaker 2: 2:46

Show me, show me one person that wants to be in a relationship that they got to yell, scream and holler and fight and fuss at every little piece of corner. That they want to, because this is her excitement. That she has to fight and argue and yell, because this is what she is used to. Now I ask you this question, young lady when you met this man, was he peaceful? When you met this man, when y'all went on dates, was he yelling and screaming? If he wasn't, trust me, he wasn't going to turn and do something else that he wasn't used to. This is his nature. He's a peaceful man. What's wrong with that? Now, ladies and gentlemen, this is what you call a toxic relationship, and if you don't know what a toxic relationship is, here we go. A toxic relationship is that unpleasant, it's draining, it's harmful to both people or one individual in this relationship. Right now, that toxicity is harming him Because if you see what she says, he runs away from it as quick as he can. He avoids it on all costs. If you see somebody avoiding something, probably that means he don't want to fight, he don't want to argue, he just wants to sit back and relax. Women have to understand this. A man is a very simple being. We are here to do this. We're here to love you. We're here to protect you. We're here to be there for you. We're here to listen to you when you're going through whatever. We are protectors and we are fixers. If you tell us something and you don't want us to fix it, you need to let us know. I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen to me. Great, we follow directions really well.

Speaker 2: 4:40

Another thing is this If you see a man is at peace, leave him be, because you don't understand what he went through out in the world. He should not have to come into his home and fight and argue with you over some bullshit that you want to find, that you want to see, and say, oh, I need some excitement in my life. Let me argue and fight with my man. No, how about this? I need some excitement in my life. Let me find out what we can do together and have some fun. Let's go on a trip, let's go and build something, let's go and do something. Let's go and whatever.

Speaker 2: 5:15

However it is, if you see your man is at peace and he needs you, and if a man ever asked you, can you be my peace? And you tell him yes, and you come with this bullshit, he should leave you. He should leave you right now. Young man, if you are listening to me and I hope you are, leave. That relationship is not for you. She should have seen this in the beginning.

Speaker 2: 5:38

This is the problem that we do when we get relationships. We do not pay attention to the beginning. We see, oh, he got muscles. Oh, he fine. Oh, he got money. Oh, he got this, whatever. But do you see what you like in this individual, other than the physical, other than the, the other than what you see? You got to go beyond that. You got to go beyond that because if you're talking about she, you've been married with this man for four years. The first year, the first six months, you see he was quiet, you see he was docile, you see he was really relaxed and really ain't for the bullshit. But you for the bullshit, you for the, as my people say, you for the streets, you want the smoke, he don't want the smoke. Find somebody who he want the smoke. This is back in the day. Oh, I need a roughneck, I need a roughneck. Nah, you really don't want a roughneck and I hate to say this, but this is my. Is it PSA or PPA or what have you? Public service announcement? That's what it is.

Speaker 2: 6:41

Women out there in a relationship, if a man is putting his hands on you, leave, because that is not love. If he tells you he won't do it again, he's lying to you, because that is not love. If he tells you he won't do it again, he's lying to you Once again. If a man tells you, baby, I won't hit you again, you're lying. For one, you shouldn't put your hands on me in the first place For another one. Love is not a, love is physical, but love does not hurt, love is not talking about somebody, love is not putting somebody down, love is not beating on them and everything like that. This is the part that we have to understand what we are in doing Love, love. The Bible says love covers a multitude of faults.

Speaker 2: 7:20

If you love a person, you don't want to treat a person in the wrong way, in the wrong manner. Man, if I were you and I was in this relationship, I would turn to her and say, hey, here's the papers. I want a divorce, I want my peace back and I want my joy back. Lady, you need to find somebody, a roughneck, or you really need to get yourself some help to. Whatever relationships you've been in in the past that they were yelling, cussing, fighting and fussing at you. Find out why. Find out why that triggers you. Find out why that's something that you like to do, because, trust me, that is not healthy, especially if you have kids. That is not healthy. If you get to yelling and screaming, cussing and fighting in front of these kids, that is not healthy.

Speaker 2: 8:08

If you're doing that just because for yourself, right now, at this day and age, when you get with somebody, you need to find their peace, because once they walk out that door, don't, nobody care about them. A man should be in his head saying I'll be glad when I get back home to my woman, I'll be glad when I get back home to my kids, I'll be glad when I get back home to my wife and my kids, because that's my peace, that's my joy, that's my love. Now I'm not saying, I'm not saying y'all not gonna have no problems. I'm not saying y'all not gonna fight and fuss and argue but got dogged every day because he quiet. No, and honestly, when you do fight and fuss, find a way to make it up to each other. Don't go to sleep angry, Don't go to sleep mad. Don't go to sleep with this still lingering in the air. Find a resolution for it and kill it right then. And there, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I am so excited she stopped in and listened to me. Today. I want you guys to keep tuning in to me, keep showing me the love that is.

Speaker 2: 9:22

This is the lounge with Stone and B. I got the t-shirts out, I got the hats out, I got the socks out. All the information will be in the bio, where to get these things from. You'll hear the commercials and all that good stuff. I need you to go and check us out. Show us much love. Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you so much. Young man, young lady, young man, run my guy, run. Young lady. Let him find peace and understand the next person you get. You shouldn't want to fight and argue with them. This has been your boy, jay Stone. Speaking on love, speaking on truth, peace.