In The Lounge Podcast with Stone and B
Indulge in the perfect blend of wit and wisdom with the Stone and B Podcast, where lively conversations unfold in the cozy ambiance of our lounge. Join hosts Stone and B as they navigate the diverse landscape of topics, from insightful discussions to hilarious anecdotes. Each episode is a unique journey, offering a refreshing mix of humor, intellect, and genuine camaraderie. Tune in and elevate your lounge experience with the dynamic duo of Stone and B.
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In The Lounge Podcast with Stone and B
Unshackling Old Baggage for New Beginnings
Is it possible to break free from past relationship mistakes and build healthier connections in the future? This episode explores that very question, promising a path to understanding and healing. We tackle the often tricky transition from old flames to fresh starts, emphasizing how crucial it is to allow each new relationship the chance it deserves, unburdened by the ghosts of relationships past. Through a series of thought-provoking discussions, we encourage listeners to extend trust to new partners until proven otherwise and to judge them based on their own merits rather than past grievances.
Our conversation moves into the intricate dance of communication and honesty that is vital for any healthy relationship. We shed light on the baggage that many of us unknowingly bring into new relationships, which can lead to misunderstandings and even self-sabotage. Highlighting personal stories like that of Bruce and Christina, we underscore the importance of addressing personal issues such as anxiety or depression openly with your partner. It's not about a perfect split of responsibilities but about being there for one another through life's ups and downs, fostering mutual respect and a shared commitment to thriving together.
Finally, we delve into the importance of healing before stepping into a new romantic chapter. Personal growth, we argue, is the cornerstone of future happiness. Taking the time to heal, forgiving past transgressions, and communicating openly about your journey can prevent repeating past mistakes. We draw parallels to the notion of unnecessary suffering in relationships, advocating instead for finding someone who truly appreciates and respects you. Join us as we guide you through the process of letting go of bitterness, promoting personal growth, and ensuring that past relationships do not cast a shadow over your future.
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relax, it's gonna be okay, girl. Oh yeah, what two? What two? No, you choose one or the other. What's going on? Everybody? This is your boy, jay stone, coming to you live with another edition of In the Lounge with Stone and B man.
Speaker 1:I am sitting here really excited about what I'm about to tell you because I believe it's going to be a very helpful thing to many, many people out there. You know we want our relationship run, so we're going to run this one, as the topic of it is going to be don't let your ex mess up your next. Don't let your ex mess up your next. So we're sitting back in the studio after recording and we were talking about we had a couple of people here that had and we were talking about we had a couple of people here that had relationships.
Speaker 1:And you know some relationships it doesn't matter how long in a relationship was a person. If you're in a relationship more than six months, that person done put something in you, a memory. They done put a bad memory a good memory. They done put the way they talk, the way they smile, their voices in your head. It's something that has embedded into your cerebellum and just sit there like, hey, whatever. Now, if it went longer and the relationship is not good, that means they done did some dirty little stuff. They done cheated, they done lied, they done did some other little dirt things underhanded or whatever. May have you and that's under. That's right there.
Speaker 1:So what I say, and I mean don't let your ex mess up your next. Before you step into another relationship with anybody I don't care who it is, what it is, especially if it's somebody who you like, you know whatever Do not make him pay for the mistakes that next man made or that next woman made. Whatever's going on in that other ex relationship and that other relationship, let it be in the past. You are now in the present with someone new. It don't matter if he said something like the other one did. That don't mean he's going to do it. You know, give a person the benefit of the doubt, give him a chance before you just say, oh, he's just like that. Or, like most ladies say, all men are dogs or all men are the same, which is not true. All men are not the same, all women are not the same. People need to give people a chance. Yes, there's some people out there that are no good dirty down dogs that will lie to you in a drop of a hat. But it's also people out there that are good. They should not pay for the mistakes someone else made.
Speaker 1:I should not have to deal with the fact of it matter that the woman that I want to be with don't want to be intimate with me because of something happened in a past or former or past life that was another guy or whatever. How about this? How about? How about letting someone know what's going on with you when you see him and he sees you, and y'all get together and y'all want to meet up or y'all like each other, y'all feeling each other's vibe or whatever Great, beautiful, love it. How about having a conversation of having said, hey, I just got a relationship. You know I like you, but I don't want to bring you into this. That and the third, give him the opportunity of saying, hey, you know what? I don't want to deal with that, but I thank you for letting me know what's going on.
Speaker 1:But no, most people say forget it. And this is the way you get over a person is to get on top of another person. Bull crap, because you about to do some dirty, dirty stuff. Why? Because right now. If there's an inkling of something that's going on in your previous relationship is going on here, oh you, you checking phones. You don't believe nothing. He's saying. Everything he come out his mouth is a lie, but you don't want to let him go.
Speaker 1:But once again, I tell everybody, if you're in a relationship, check this out. Trust that man, show that man love, trust that woman, show that woman love, until they give you a reason not to trust them or love them. That's when you do it. Them, that's when you do it. If there is no reason or you believe what. Somebody told you something, or I think, I think, man fucker. I think, because that, I think, is messing up.
Speaker 1:When you are now, when you are now in a relationship with a person that you hear they're talking about a relationship, they're talking about love, they're talking about togetherness, they're talking about intimacy, they're talking about, they're talking about a family together. You might well, you might want to stick around to see what's really going on with that. You might want to stick around to see is that the right thing you want to hear, or or is it, is it, is it good or whatever, because we, we, we tend to, we tend to mess. When something's going good, we tend to self-sabotage each other or ourselves. You know, I can't say each other, but I can say ourselves.
Speaker 1:What I have seen is this a man gets with a woman that has just got a of a relationship and I'm talking about everything is going good. He is in there, taking care of family and loving on her and being there for her and trying to buy everything, trying to make her happy, trying to make it. This and everything he does is met with resistance, because this is something that Charles, the man who she used to be with, used to do. Oh, charles would give me flowers, but then next week he'd go out and cheat on me. Well, charles used to do this. Then next week he'd go and be lying somewhere. Well, charles used to bring women into the house. Are you, finna, do that? Why would you bring up another man's name? Or why would you bring up what he used to do in this relationship? Same thing with a man? Oh, this woman used to go around and screw every Tom, dick and Harry. Are you going to cheat on me? Are you going to do this? Yes, there's going to be questions out there to find out, you know. Are you going to do this.
Speaker 1:This is something that should be talked about before. Hey, move in with me, you know, be with me, you know, let these people know what they're getting into. If there's some problems, if there's some women out there or some men out there that has anxiety, that has depression, that has something wrong with them mentally or whatever else it is and I'm not knocking it. What I'm saying is this before you step into a relationship with somebody and you don't tell them what's really going on with you, that's wrong on your part. You need to open up and be honest on every end. Now I'm looking at this. You and on top of this, you cannot be married or want to be married, or want to get with a man, a a man and be secretive, or be with a woman and want to be secretive.
Speaker 1:If you want my whole, if you want my money, my time, my energy, my love, you got to receive. When I'm shooting out, I want it back. If I'm shooting out affection, I want affection back. If I'm shooting out love, I want love back. If I'm shooting out affection, I want affection back. If I'm shooting out love, I want love back. If I'm shooting out time, I want time back. This is not a relationship on a one-sided deal. It doesn't work like that. Relationships doesn't work like that and I want everybody to believe this.
Speaker 1:Everyone keeps saying oh, our relationship is 50-50. Bullshit. There is no relationship, there is no marriage, there is no boyfriend or girlfriend, there is no fiance. That is 50-50. None, you know why. Check this out. What about that?
Speaker 1:Woman can't cook, you cook it. What about that man can't cook, you cook it. What about that man don't have enough money to pay all the bills? You help him with the bills. So guess what? He paying 40, you paying the rest of that. It's no 50-50.
Speaker 1:Sometime you might come in now and he is spit burnt, only got 10%. You got to come with this 90. Can you do that? Because these real vows that says for better or for worse, for richer or for, for sickness and in health. Huh, so if I'm sick, you can't leave me. You got to be there to take care of me. If I'm rich, you're going to be there. But if I go dead broke, be the same way, be there to help me get the money. Don't be there and be like oh, you broke, bastard, you ain't this, you ain't that, you ain't this, you ain't that. But this is half the time with people going on because we don't have a conversation.
Speaker 1:And I keep telling everybody if you get out of a relationship that was not good for you, that hurt you, that brought you down, you that, that, that, that, that, that that brings you down men, male or female do not jump into another relationship. Heal first, heal first, then get into that relationship and do not make a man pay for another man's sins. That does not work. Don't make a woman pay for another woman's sins. That does not work. Don't make a woman pay for another woman's sins. What she do, make her pay for that, what he do, make him pay for that If it's wrong. But if it's something else someone else did and you didn't get back at them at the time, or you didn't, you didn't get your get back, or you didn't get your leg back, or however you want to call it. Hey, check this out. Do not do that. Leave them alone, let them go. Let them go. If it's your time to be with them, it'll be right, it'll come back around.
Speaker 1:He or she will swing the block back around, but most of the time, most of the time, most of the time when a person has been hurt, a person has been lied to or lied on or however, you or, or, or a scorned woman, or or an upset man or whatever, because this is the crazy part about it A woman can cheat on a man and he will go ballistic out his mind. He will go ballistic out his mind. This is the reason why Because a woman, when a woman cheats, a woman cheats for love, a woman cheats to say, hey, I might want to be with this man. You understand, a man just cheats to get a bus out. Okay, 15, 20 minutes.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be honest with you. Women that has men, that has other women, he will never leave. He's going to stick with that woman. You're nothing but a hop off, jump off. Stop listening and believing in what he's saying. I'm going to leave my wife. I'm tired of that. No, he's not. He loves him. Busted in her and busted in you too. And because it's easy, it's convenient, it's our best way to go.
Speaker 1:Now listen to this. I'm going to tell you the honest to God truth right here. Once you start pressuring him, he's going to see an exit, or try to find an exit out of there. Stop messing with married men. Y'all can do better than that. I'm telling you now Stop messing with married men. I don't care if you've been hurt by somebody else. Stop going out there and messing with trying to marry men.
Speaker 1:Honestly, most men will tell you I'm married. Most men will tell you I'm married, I got somebody else. Then if you go for it, oh who cares, that's on you. If you see this man got a ring on his finger, stop approaching him. You see this man I told you hey, I got, I'm married. Stop approaching him, stop pushing it, stop doing that. But most women hey, they're going to do what they want to do. And most men, most men, will see a woman married. But he can't do you like, I can do you, baby, I can do this, I can do that. Women. Don't fall for that shit. Don't do that. Women. Don't fall for that shit. Don't do that.
Speaker 1:Because if that man at home is trying the best that he can and you pick him, don't go out there and try to pick somebody else and hurt him. Don't do that. If that man got laid off on his job but when you get home, your house is clean, you got food on the table and he's asking you how was your day cherish that man? Love that man, care for that man, work. When you get home, your house is clean, you got food on the table and he's asking you how was your day Cherish that man? Love that man, care for that man, work that man into a job. Love that man all the way into a job, baby, and, trust me, he going to show you the love right back.
Speaker 1:But if you sitting there trying to say, oh, you need to get off your feet, you ain't doing this and you ain't doing that. But you done got their homework done, done, got bathed. They in a bed laying down. He done cooked dinner. They done ate. He sitting there waiting on you house clean, your car full of gas, but you ain't got no job. Figure out how he did it. Don't worry about how he did it. Be thankful that he there doing it. This is the problem. This is the problem right here. This is the problem. It's so much of these exes that embedded themselves into your new relationship. I was sitting down, we was in the studio and a scenario came up. Scenario was and let me even stop that so you get that it wasn't a scenario, it was the real truth.
Speaker 1:Man goes and gets married to a woman a little younger than him. He has kids already. He done got a divorce. He has kids. He has kids the age of 10, 14, and 13. And so what happens is the new wife don't want nothing to do with them kids and don't want him to do nothing with the kids or the old lady. They ask what should he do? He shouldn't be married to her. That's what my answer was, because neither woman it doesn't matter if it was, uh, ex-wife or new wife.
Speaker 1:Check this out. If new wife don't like ex-wife, it don't matter If new wife don't like them kids. That's the problem. If she don't like kids or don't want to be around the kids or don't want him to be around the kids, he don't need to be married to her because them kids come first In every relationship you get. If you got a kid, that kid comes first. Why? That kid didn't ask to be here. Y'all laid down and got him.
Speaker 1:So my whole thing with that is this Check this out. He didn't ask to be here. Your job is to take care of him all the way up until whenever, and don't do that that age of oh, we're going to take care of them all the way up until whenever, that age of, oh, we're going to take care of you until you're 18. That's a lie. That's a lie. You're going to take care of that child until that child gets old enough to do whatever you want to do. And then, if you're old and he still needs help, you're still going to be there for him. That's the role of a parent Old, young in between. If that child needs your help, you're going to be right there for him. That's how it works.
Speaker 1:Now I say this Don't let your ex mess up your next. All the stuff he did, let it go first, before you find that next. This is what the steps you need to take to do Release, let go Forgive, heal, forgive, heal, heal some more, heal a little bit more, and then maybe you can go out and find something that will suit you, that will love on you, that will care for you. Don't have your guards up so high, but put them up. Be careful, make sure you watch all red flags. This is what we don't do. Sometimes we see the red flags and we just go blind because, oh I, I just want to be with somebody. No, I don't be with somebody that tough. If you see a red flag you don't like, address that red flag and if that red flag doesn't go away, you go away. So we say to women don't be picky. We say to men don't be picky. No, what I'll say is this Pick who you want to be with, pick who you want to love, and if they reciprocate that love back to you, you know, I found you a good one. Now, if they don't do that, don't go run into another one, because you're about to have another bad relationship. And guess what? It's not going to be his fault, it's going to be your fault, because you're bringing old luggage, old bags, old things into this new relationship. That, trust me, it's going to surface up. I don't care how much you think you can pull it down, push it down and like oh, that's OK, can't nobody see it? I'm going to cover it up, I'm going to mask it up. He didn't hurt me that bad F him. I don't care if he wouldn't get him. And this is what I found out Most women go and get men after the man that messed them over.
Speaker 1:Have a woman. I'm going to give you this thing. It's a lady. It's a guy named Bruce and a lady named Christina. Bruce and Christina was together and Bruce went on and did what most dudes do. He went and got him a good old job and found him somebody at the job and they didn't last. But now you was with christina. You done cheated on her.
Speaker 1:Christina found out. She's mad upset, want to fight one of this, one of that. They broke up boom, boom. Christina somewhere boohooing and whatever else. Charles is doing what? Charles somewhere I mean sorry, bruce somewhere living his life like a high life. He's enjoying it. Finally he ends up with a lady and they are kicking it, having a good time, whatever, and Christina walks into the restaurant they were in with a bunch of her friends, oh my God.
Speaker 1:Then Christina got to get a man. Boom. But guess what's wrong with this thing? Christina now goes and gets a man and everything Bruce done did to her. This man is paying for it and he's looking like what the did? I just do, I didn't do anything.
Speaker 1:She don't have patience. Her emotions is everywhere. She is upset at everything under the sun. There's no smiles, there's no joy, there's no happiness. And right now I already know how he feels. He's at the point of I'm gonna get the out of here and I can't deal with this. And guess what? I don't blame him. So if you are listening, young brother the young brother that's with Christina check this out, sit her down, let her know that you're not Bruce and you didn't do the things that Bruce did, but she's going to allow Bruce to mess up the relationship that you got.
Speaker 1:Now. I know you didn't know this because she didn't sit down and tell you this and you didn't even ask. You just seen a beautiful smile, because she is beautiful. You seen a beautiful smile and a nice body. Got dug it. What did? Was it Belle Beard DeVoe?
Speaker 1:I think that girl is poison. Don't trust a big butt to smile. Nigga, got dug it. I told you don't do it. That girl is poison and I wouldn't call her poison, but I would call her damaged goods and she needs to be repaired.
Speaker 1:And the thing about it is this it takes time. Don't rush the repair. Don't rush the repair. Don't rush the repair to your heart, don't rush the repair to your mind, because, again, when you get into a relationship, it's not just a heart thing, it's a mental thing, it's always a mental thing, it's always, always, always a mental thing.
Speaker 1:I'm just telling people yes, don't let someone else mess up something else. Good, if they was in your life and they were screwing you over or messing you over or not feeling you or not doing good, or not there to support you in your endeavors or whatever, let them go and, like I said, heal, heal, heal some more so you can love again. To love again is a wonderful thing. This is what sometimes we do. We put up walls and we Push away people. Because if, if, if we bring somebody in and they give you a recognizable pattern to the same thing someone else was doing to you, you push them away instead of sitting and talking to them telling them hey, this was that, unpack the emotions, unpack your emotions, let your emotions out. Most of the time, we just push them in, push them in, push them in and keep going. Goddug it.
Speaker 1:If you've ever seen an overstuffed briefcase or an overstuffed bag, guess what? It starts ripping at the seams. And that's what we have as humans. That's what we do that little that we don't pack so much away, that that little, bitty, bitty, bitty, bitty bitty problem finna become big because you don't got so much in there. You finna explode a bloom and everything finna come out and it's going to blast out on the wrong person because you packed it all and said, oh, it's OK, oh, don't worry about it, oh, it's fine, I'm good, I'm fine.
Speaker 1:When you're not good, when you're not fine, say I'm not good, say I'm not fine and express yourself. This is, this is a, this is a reason I believe a lot of people have mental illness. Not not, not, not saying mental illnesses because we don't talk, but I'm saying a lot of people need to express themselves. That's what I'll say Express yourself, get your, get your thoughts out. Get your thoughts out, not not just writing them down. Write them down in the journal is good, Damn. Write them down in the journal, it's good. But sometimes, most times, people need to just talk and let somebody hear how they feel.
Speaker 1:Most women go through so many breakups, so many heartaches because most men get out there and want to just poke and stroke and bounce out. And then what happens is a man want to poke and stroke and bounce out A woman that locked in and fell in love with you. Man say I can't deal with you, I got to go, boom Now. Now you think you, I done gave this man the best of me and then he done left me. Oh my God, this is another. And see, this is the best part about a woman A woman has friends that they can sit down and lean on and rely on A brother. Man, you can't sit around and cry, man, bump that, get on, let's find another.
Speaker 1:No, it don't work like that. It don't work like that. Love is fragile. Love is real, but love will have you doing some dumb, crazy stuff.
Speaker 1:For sure, man, I was married for 20, for 22, 20, 21, 22 years. And I'm gonna let you know something it had you doing some dumb stuff. We got dug in. I was chasing the guy down an ice cream truck just to make her happy. I, the little small things, just to make the woman happy. You understand, see, did I want to get divorced? No, no, no, I was cool, I was great, I was happy, I was set in to what I wanted, to what I liked. We was locked in. But the thing about it is this she didn't know what she wanted.
Speaker 1:21 years, 22 years, you're still not understanding and you're not. What you want is you're still not understanding and you know what you want. You still don't understand or see how far I can go or how I can do. You still don't understand that at this point we might not have the money that you're looking for, but if you look back there, we was at that point. But now we're here. We got houses, we got cars, we got this. Slow down, relax yourself and let me regroup. I can make it If you, if you be by my side, I can make it, but God dog it. Sometimes they don't want to be by your side and you let them go. Now the problem is this Now I do have another sugar with me, but the thing about it is this is her ex then put so much in the mental frame that it's hurting her way more than she sees?
Speaker 1:So we had a conversation about a lot of things and you know, most women don't want to really open up and let you know because they think that you're going to use whatever you tell them against them. Mama lets you know some men and women if your man or your woman comes and opens up to you about whatever, however, whoever, whenever, don't reopen that. Don't open your mouth against that, don't do anything, because why? Once you do that and use that against them, it's shutdown time. You will never hear from them again and it'll be your own fault, no one's fault, but yours. I just. I'm just just. I'm just shooting some things out and letting you know that don't let somebody else mess up. A good thing. This is in business, this is in a relationship, this is in love, this is in whatever else.
Speaker 1:If you don't found, if your ex and you and your ex done separated and moved on, you done seen somebody else you want to be with, before you even open your mouth to them, re-evaluate yourself. That means look at yourself in the mirror and say am I hurting? Did he hurt me? If he hurt me, will I hurt this person? Because what I've learned? Misery loves company and I already seen that that that thing of a hurt person hurt people, hurt hurts.
Speaker 1:So if you, if you're hurt from a person, get healing, get your healing, get your time, get your healing, get your time. Let that person know hey, I like you, you like me, but just let's stay right now as friends. I want to heal first. I want to heal before I step into here and be with you. And let him know this, or let her know this If you find somebody that you want to be with at that time, don't hesitate. You do that. You do that.
Speaker 1:But I want to heal and if a woman or a man ever tells you this, respect that and walk away, because they're saving you from a month or a year or six months or years down the line of misery. Because when you're paying for somebody else's sins, that is so, so much. Only person I know that paid for somebody else's sins and was okay with it was Jesus and honestly, if you read the book, he wasn't okay. He asked God to please take this bitter cup away from me, but he knew what he had to do and he had to do it as, being in a relationship, you don't have to go through that. You shouldn't have to go through that. You should be able to sit down with a person. Tell them this is what I'm going through, this is who I am, love me or let me go. I tell everybody and I'm letting y'all know don't let your ex mess up. Your next. This is your boy, jay Stone.
Speaker 1:Telling you, advising you have you been in a relationship and it done? Telling you, advising you if you've been in a relationship and it didn't hurt you, didn't lie, cheated on you, took your money, had a baby on you, whatever it is heal For one. Sit back, forgive, forget, let go. One, sit back, forgive, forget, let go, heal, heal some more and then go out, let go. All that bitterness, all that anger, all that pain, and then find yourself somebody who, who's the top of the time, who's loving, who's caring, who's this and who's that, and you go back and see that person who did all that to you trust me, you would be so much better off and you look and see his life, or her life, is not as all as it is glamor and clean, ladies and gentlemen, it has been, it is.
Speaker 1:I am so excited too. I'm so thankful that you guys stopped in and listened to me talk about don't let your next, don't let your ex mess up your next. It's some more to this. It's a long going saga saga, but I'm just letting you guys know if you're in pain or hurting, don't jump onto somebody else, because that's more pain, that's more hurt, that's more, that's more of something you don't need. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your boy, j stone, signing off peace.
