The Power of Truth in Relationship Harmony

Ever had a misunderstanding that blew up into a major issue, only to realize it could have been avoided with better communication? Join me in the lounge as I recount a personal story about a financial misunderstanding involving my godson's mother, and learn how clear and honest communication can be the glue that holds relationships together. We discuss the essence of trust, built through consistent actions and honesty, and how relationships are a dynamic give-and-take rather than a perfect 50/50 split. Discover the pivotal role of being truthful and reliable to ensure promises are kept and communication remains open.

But that’s not all—we also delve into maintaining healthy relationships by valuing mutual respect and navigating the dangers of one-sided dynamics. Reflecting on past mistakes, I stress the importance of genuine love that should come naturally and urge men to express their feelings while encouraging women to respect those expressions. We challenge the outdated notion of "happy wife, happy life" and advocate for a balanced, mutual effort to uplift each other. Through personal anecdotes and lessons from trusted family members, gain insights on overcoming childhood traumas and past experiences that influence adult relationships, ensuring love remains a rewarding yet not inherently hard journey.

Chapters

• 0:00 Building Trust and Communication in Relationships
• 13:00 Maintaining Healthy Relationships
• 24:29 Importance of Truthfulness in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

Holla, I'm waiting for you. She's holding on to that kid. Relax, it's gonna be okay, girl. We better be in love. Oh yeah, with two. With two, no, you choose one or the other. What? We're now in the lounge. What's going on? Everybody? This is your boy, j Stone, coming to you live with another edition of In the Lounge with Stone and B.

Speaker 1: 0:39

Today we're going to be talking about that thing that we all want to find in a person. Or we say can I trust you? My grandmother used to say I can trust you as far as I can throw you. That means she can't trust you. But we don't want that. We want that real trust, that trust that if they go across the world, you know that they're representing you the right way, that is, through love, through joy, through peace, through the whole thing. They ain't doing nothing crazy and you on the other side of the earth ain't doing nothing crazy either. So, ladies and gentlemen, sit back, relax. Um, call a friend, call an able, call a loved one. Tell them your boy, jay stone, is on the air and we're talking about trust and the relationship. Tune in. What's going on. I'm back to you. Oh, so let's do this. I'm going to put myself in it.

Speaker 1: 1:36

And so I want to say a week ago I give it three days three days ago I was out chilling, kicking it, and I got home tired, laid on the couch. My phone started ringing. I didn't hear it until the fifth ring. I'm sorry, the fifth time they called and it was the young lady that I am currently involved with. She asked me a question. She said who is a certain person and why are you sending her money? My question was to her how do you know I'm sending her money? What are you snooping and looking at? And it went from never mind, it's okay, I should have did this. I shouldn't do that. She got mad, upset or whatever. Me happy now. Yes, I could have told her that was my godson's mother and it wasn't for the girl, it was for the young man that he asked me a question. I was there to help him and I was. I was able to help him and I did, and we kept on going.

Speaker 1: 2:50

The reason she called was because it was a woman on there and she thought me and her was kicking it, doing something and I had. I have to realize now it wasn't the fact that it wasn't a trust issue, it was the fact that she had issues in her past relationship that made her question. What she seen right then and there. So what I should have just told her is hey, that's nothing for you to worry about. This is that person, this is what she is to me, and that is point blank and all. So to say this is true.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Sometimes you just have to let a person know what they want, to hear their information and let them keep going. Now I can truly honestly tell you now, being in a relationship Is work, work. It's a 24 hour, 365 days. I said three 24 hours, 24 hours, 365 days a year. There is no off days, there's no vacations, there's nobody that you can tag in. Well, if you got a relationship that you and your partner's in that tagging position, but most of these relationships ain't nobody tagging in you with, you in there with her and she in there with, and that's what it is.

Speaker 1: 4:18

So be true to your word and follow through with your actions. This is what truth is. Truth is being true to your word. If you're going to tell a woman, hey, I will be there to fix your toilet at 545 in the morning, make sure you're there at 545 in the morning with tools in hand ready to fix the toilet. You know, because she is looking at every word you say and some women hang on those words.

Speaker 1: 4:55

The point of building trust is for others to believe what you say. Keep in mind mind. However, the building of trust requires not only to keep the promise, but also not to make a promise that you can't keep. Oh, so meaning, if you know you can't do something and you tell the person yeah, I can do it, I can do it. Why not just come out and be truthful, like you know what I can't do something and you tell the person yeah, I can do it, I can do it. Why not just come out and be truthful, like you know what I can't do, that right now I don't have the means to do it. You know I can't do it. You know, because the whole thing about a relationship, the relationship is a 50 50. And I can't even say that. Let me, let me go back.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Realistic is not 50 50. Stop saying that, because it's not true, because you might walk in the house and be on 90. She only got 10. Guess what? Y'all ain't gonna break up. You put that 90 with that 10, you got 100. You know, she might be on, on, on, on 50 and, and, uh, and you, you, you, you, you, you, you got 50. Y'all put that together, okay, that's a 50, 50. But I might be on 75. She come with 25. That's you go, you know so, so, so it's, it's, it's what the person has that you make up for she, she feeling for me, I feeling for her. That's the relationship part.

Speaker 1: 6:23

Being truthful is telling me what I have, telling you what I can do, telling you what is, uh, what's my means, and not holding it, wait, not saying, oh, I can do this, I can do that and lie, no, because my dumb has always said one lie leads to another lie needs to. Another lie leads to another lie leads to another lie leads to another lie leads to another lie, and you will continue lying until you be at the end of your bridge, trying to fall off and be like, oh, my god, I need help, you know. So it's easier and better to tell a person the truth and let them sort out what they can and cannot do, and I like like that. So, learn how to communicate effectively with each other. Oh, that's the number. I always tell people this communication with each other inside of this relationship is key, and truthful communication is key. Why I say truthful communication?

Speaker 1: 7:18

Sitting in line to each other won't work for anything. Truthful communication is key. Poor communication is a major reason why relationships break down. Good communication includes being clear about what you have or have not committed to and what has been agreed upon so and so. Because you have an agreement, that means there was a conversation before which, I say again, every couple needs to sit and have a conversation. What are your expectations of me and what's my expectations of you? Oh, see, that's the thing about it. We get in these relationships. Well, oh, he looked good. Oh, he got muscles. Oh, she got a big ass. Oh, she cute. Oh, but what's the what's the whole thing of the relationship? Why am I here? Why am I in this relationship with you? Can we sit and talk and tell me, let me tell you my expectation and let me tell, and you let let you tell me what you expected me? Now, see, another one is see, that's the truth. And communication, because we got to be truthful as far. Also, we communicate.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Remind yourself that it takes time to build and learn and earn trust. It takes time to build and earn trust. The word, key word here is earn Trust is not just thrown out and given, because it's been so many women, so many men been screwed over in this relationship game that they have trust issues and it is hard for a person to trust you. So now what you have to do is show them that you can trust on that trust. Little steps, little things, it's not many things you know. Just show them. Hey, you know what. He went out of town. He came back. I haven't heard anything. Hey, okay, cool, many women, when they don't trust you, to ask a lot of questions. Be truthful with those questions, be true, so I'm sorry, be truthful with the answers that you give them and and honestly, honestly, let a person be honest with a person. Let them. Let them decide if they want to be with you.

Speaker 1: 9:40

I was talking to a how can I say this? A professional escort releaser? A professional escort releaser or a professional escort releaser? That's what. A professional escort releaser or a professional? Yeah, a professional escort releaser? That's what I'll say. And he said the biggest thing to do is tell the truth and allow a person to decide if they want to do it or don't. Because if you sit and just lie to a person and lie and scheme your way there. There will be no truth in that. You have to lie all the way through. He said lying is the worst thing you could ever do because, for one, you got to think of a lie and continue to think of that lie and continue to think of that lie. Telling the truth comes out and natural. He said I'd rather be natural and authentic than sit and lie to a person.

Speaker 1: 10:38

Now, building trust is a daily commitment. Don't make a mistake of expecting too much too soon. In order to build trust, first take small steps and take on small ideas not ideas, but take on small commitments and then you will start seeing the trust grow between you and your partner. You will also see that she or he won't ask you so many questions. Now take the time to make decisions and think before you act so quickly.

Speaker 1: 11:25

A lot of people do actions and they be upset and they say, oh, forget it, I'm going to leave, I'm out of here, I'm leaving, I'm going. I can't deal with this. Why? Because past hurts. They even got hurt in the past, lied to in the past, screwed over in the past. Things took it from them in the past and I keep telling, I keep saying whatever happened to you in your previous relationship, don't bring it to the one you have now. I had a podcast. Don't let your ex, don't let your ex mess up your next. That means everything he did to you. Don't bring it over here to to to do whatever Johnny did. Don't bring it up to Mark, because Mark ain't have nothing to do with Johnny and you. You broke up with Johnny. Leave Johnny over there in the corner. You and Mark have something new. Have something fresh. Let Mark make his mistakes. Don't punish him for whatever Johnny did. Same thing with the man. Whatever Sarah did to you, you're over here with Margaret. Don't punish Margaret for what Sarah did. And this is the problem.

Speaker 1: 12:30

We say we get into relationships, we go into one and go back, go into one relationship and jump out of that one and go into another. No, heal first. Take the time to heal. That is healing from the trust factor. That is healing from the love factor. That is healing from just being human. Make sure you heal yourself before you go into another relationship.

Speaker 1: 13:00

Hmm, value the relationship that you have. That's the key word. Value. Value the relationship that you have. We have seen so many relationships only one-sided. He's doing so much for her, he's bending over backwards, so he values their relationship and she only values what he can do for her, or is vice versa? He found out he got eight other women and he got three of them bidding over backwards and another one doing a cartwheel and this, and that he only values the, the sexual favors or or the gifts he gets. No, when you get into a relationship, value that person and value that relationship you two have. You two value each other because he will rise you and you should rise him. So when you're in a relationship and you look over time, he should be making you better and you should be making him better. Do not take them for granted. Value their relationship and don't take that person for granted.

Speaker 1: 14:13

Because I'm going to tell you this you start taking people for granted, they leave and you think about it and you say, dang, I should have done. I could have done, like right now, like my whole situation, that I told you in the first thing. I'm saying here now what I should have done is tell her who she was and let it go. But no, my thing is I had to ask the question. Answer a question was a question because I wanted to know how you knew the information. But that was not the real point of the whole matter. The point of the whole matter she's been hurt before and I should have kept caught that and said hey, not, don't, let me let this linger on. So let me nip this, tell you who it is and tell you why I did what I did. Uh, and that would have been a better thing. Yes, yes, I learned from my mistakes and that's the problem. Some of us don't learn from our mistakes.

Speaker 1: 15:13

In relationship. Always be honest, always. I don't care if it looks like it's going to hurt the person. I don't care if it feels like she go. Soon as I tell her this truth, or soon as I tell him this truth, he going to leave. Let them decide what they want to do and most of the time when you're honest with the person, they see that and be like. You know what I'm going to stick around, I like him, I love him. I love her. I like her. You know, let me help you with the problem. Or let me see what's going on, let me see how was. Yeah, if I don't, if I'm not sticking with you, I can still be your friend or, however, so always do what you believe to be to do is right.

Speaker 1: 16:05

Nine times out of ten, half the time, yeah, we was raised by our mother, and if we weren't raised by our mother and a father was raised by our mother or your auntie or whoever raised you taught you right from wrong. Anyway, that comes natural. Right from Rome comes natural. You know it's right, you know it's wrong. You know it's wrong to lie to a person because once you lie to them, you feel it. This is what you feel. You feel, oh, I got away with it, but dang, you know what I shouldn't even do that. Then you start thinking about. Then you, like you, you're, you're conscious, like, let me blow it off, I forget. Okay, I got away with. I'm keep pushing.

Speaker 1: 16:38

No, no, no, I got a partner that that truly wants to be a pimp. Why, I don't know. And I have told him you're not a pimp. Pimps don't lie. The reason I'm saying this is because a pimp will have 14 different women, or five different women, and each and every last one of them know each other. They know why they at what they do and how they do. They know who the top hold and who the bottom hold. But if you out here playing around, running around and Kiki don't know who Lisa is and Lisa don't know who Kiki is, or Lisa ain't seen Sarah or whoever these people are, you channel deal with. You're not a pimp, you You're just a nigga around here trying to screw every female around and you're lying. See, you're going to be like my old man. Papa was a road to stone and, trust me, that stone will find its way, being crushed and broken. Trust and believe me, what I can truly say is this A relationship is 24 hours work, but it is worth it.

Speaker 1: 17:57

If you put the time in, if you put the dedication in it's, if you put the love in, it is not hard to love a person. It should never be hard to love a person. It's the easiest and simple thing because your heart comes with love. It implements love. It implements love. It should be love everywhere you go. Once again, don't hide your feelings, brothers. I know we were raised up sometimes that the boys don't men. Don't cry, brother.

Speaker 1: 18:31

If you feel or you got a feeling or you feel that you've been treated wrong, and you have an opportunity to express that and talk to that. Express it with your voice and not your hands. Never put your hands on a woman. Never, never abuse a woman. Never physically abuse a woman. Never verbally abuse a woman. If you have to, if you have the time to open up and tell a woman how you feel, let her know. And, women, you never, never, never use that against a man. Once he opens up to you, never bring it back up and never use it against him, because he will always, always shut down. You will never get anything else out of him. Never, never.

Speaker 1: 19:12

This is the thing about it is don't hide your feelings, but be careful in who you tell these feelings to, and don't go out willy-nilly, just open your mouth and start talking to everybody and say I feel this way, I feel that way, I'm this, I'm that, I'm this. No, because those feelings sometimes be construed for other things, and when it's construed for other things, we then don't know what to do. So or it's construed for something else, or or made to make you look weak and you're not weak. This is the part that we say, wow, I should have kept my mouth closed, I should have never told her anything. And then when she say what's wrong, you go here it is Nothing, I'm okay, everything is good, and he's dying in the inside. But now he knows he can't trust you.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Another thing is, brothers never, never, never dismiss your lady. If she's telling you how she feels, listen, trust me. I'm telling you from experience. Listen to what she's telling you and implement what she's telling you. If you love her, if you care about her, never let her go away from an argument or fight, feeling dismissed or feeling like, oh, and you feel like I won the argument. There is no one that's winning an argument. If you're in a relationship, any arguments you have, there is no winner. There's always just a solution to keep the peace. So there is no.

Speaker 1: 20:59

And another thing I heard these old couples say this Don't go to bed mad. I used to understand. I used to wonder like, why? Why we can't go to bed mad. I'm awake up and I'm mad at you again. No, no. Once you got, once I got a little older, I understood, if I go to bed mad and I die, guess what? There's going to be some haunting the person that's alive, because they never got a chance to get it right and you never want to put that on a person.

Speaker 1: 21:29

So if you have an argument with your loved one or you have an argument with your wife or your man or whatever, sit down and talk about it. I understand sometimes it gets heated that you don't want to talk. Go somewhere, take a break, relax yourself and talk. Talk it out. Come back, talk it out. Now. If you're a woman, I'm gonna tell you this if you see your man walking away, don't go following behind him. Don't go following behind him talking crap. Fuck you, don't do that. If you see him walking away, he said baby, I need some time, give him the time. Same thing with you brothers. If you see that, go there, do that. Now another thing when you guys have arguments, it's between you two. It ain't between your mama, her daddy, her friends, her girlfriends. No, none of that. Why? Because this is what happens Once you finish arguing and y'all done got together and y'all cool and good and loving on each other and sucking on each other, doing whatever you want to do with each other.

Speaker 1: 22:33

When, thanksgiving coming, he come around. Guess what? The family still found out what he done did. Because you done sit there and told and they looking at him all sideways and crooked he like what's going on? You done told everything when you are in a relationship, especially if you're in a relationship and you done get married you gotta see two things. Who's up there holding your hand? It ain't three or two things. Who's up there holding your hand? It ain't three or four people, it's just you and that woman or that man and that woman Y'all up there holding each other's hand. And that's where that relationship ends. They give you a ring. The ring has a circle. Ain't nothing in there breaking that circle or anything. You go to God with your things and you deal with it that way.

Speaker 1: 23:20

It is not a hard thing to love. It is a simple thing to love. It is a simple thing to be truthful. And also also this is my number one and last thing that I want to talk to you and tell you about Admit your mistakes, tell the truth, keep an open dialect, an open thing of conversation. Do not deflect your oh well, you did this, no, it's not about what she did, it's about what you did. Oh, you did this yesterday, or you did this last week. Why can't, nope, nope, you did this yesterday. Oh, you did this last week. Why can't, nope, nope, admit your mistakes. My grandma always told me if you want to see change in a person. You change first and then they'll follow you, ooh, ooh. So I say this to to be honest. To be honest Admit your mistakes and she will follow. Admit your mistakes and he will follow Once again.

Speaker 1: 24:29

Love is not hard. It is some steps into love and you know we got most people that jump into it. Oh, I love that first sight. I got a question Once you hear that, is that two people saying I love you at first sight, or is just that one person saying it to you and then the other person grows to love you? Somebody asked that for me. But I just want to come and talk to you guys about truthfulness and being truthful in a relationship. It is very, very crucial. It's very, very necessary. It's very, very needed. We got so many people that just think a lot Thinking line is hey, lie to her, she'll be okay. No, stop lying to people. You know what. I'm going to say this and then I'm going to close this out.

Speaker 1: 25:25

Trust in a relationship is feeling safe, feeling confident, allowing a person to be vulnerable and open without boundaries or without forms or quibbles, and also knowing your boundaries in your relationship. Trust can also affect how people feel about others and how people see you and how people see you. Also, when you tell a person something, keep your word. My uncle, long time ago, he used to tell me your word is your bond. A man's word is his bond. No matter what you do, keep your word. I remember he used to tell me, friday I'm going to take you to get your haircut. And what's crazy is I look for him every Friday and he will be there. He will be there. So, oh yeah. And if you got some kids I'm not even going to get up on kids and fathers, fathers if you ever tell a kid you gonna pick him up, go pick her up, go pick him up, be there.

Speaker 1: 26:50

This relationship thing, this trust thing, it goes deep because the reason a lot of people don't trust is because sometimes their parents let them down or the people that's supposed to be there for them are not there anymore and they let them down. So we, as as as as going getting older and getting grown, we have a lot of childhood trauma. We got a good, got a lot of childhood lies to us and everything, and then we're still trying to work these out and our grown selves, and then, when we get in relationships. We toss all the stuff that happened to us in our childhood, all the stuff that happened to us when we were in a relationship, and we toss that on the other person and say, here, hear me, here's me and here's all my problems and my baggage and if I got kids here they have to deal with it. No, that's not how a relationship works. How a relationship works is we work together to make each other better. That happy wife, happy life, not true. Work together to make each other better.

Speaker 1: 28:00

This is your boy, jay Stone, signing off. Glad you stopped by Hope. I said something that will pique your interest, that you can listen to me again. Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, trust and believe. Love is not hard. It is work, but it's not hard. I'm your boy, jay stone. I'm out, peace.